Depression in Words

   I have been searching the internet for other blogs about depression.  I have found a bunch, but there is one that I like.  The blogger basically expresses what I cannot.  Below is part of a post from that blog.

   "...I know that as my mood deteriorates, I’m going to become more and more withdrawn and sluggish. I should be around people, I should eat more than the bare essentials to keep me alive. My sleep pattern is non-existent, which will add physical exhaustion to the mix. I will eventually have to start napping again because I won’t have the strength to lift my head off the pillow. And, as my life stalls yet again, I will be beset by self-loathing, guilt, intense loneliness and a general feeling of hopelessness. I think it was Gwyneth Lewis who said that depression feels like despair, but isn’t. There’s no cause, it just is, and that lack of cause … well, it’s the most depressing part of all.

     I know what you’re thinking. If she can feel it coming, isn’t there something she can do about it? Of course there is. Eat well. Resist the urge to hide myself away. Follow a daily routine; exercise; get counselling; take a hot shower; meditate. I’ve read the articles, the pamphlets, the books. They all say my temporary discomfort in taking care of myself is worth the alleviation of my symptoms. Of course, they’re right — when I finally haul myself back into the world is when I’ll begin to feel better. But I also know there’s no rushing or reasoning with me. Reason is for healthy minds; rushing is for people with a proper sense of and care for time. The word “should” does not stimulate action in the depressed; most of the time it only heaps guilt and frustration on top of an already fragile sense of self-worth. I have noticed that being aware of distorted and negative thoughts during these episodes does not make them go away. It’s like feeling lousy for a week, finally seeing the doctor and being told which virus you have. A diagnosis doesn’t make you well, suffering, treatment and recovery does. Sometimes, you just have to wait the damn thing out."

   I don't think I could have said what depression is like any better.  It really sucks when you know you're about to go downhill, the more you try to stop it the faster it gets worse.  I may not have days upon days of feeling down, but I go up and down so much that it's a manic cycle.  I think I've had at most three consecutive days of a depressive episode - usually it's one day down one day up.  The author of that blog is right, there are so many things you can do to keep yourself from a depressive episode, but it's easier said than done.  When you are about to go into a depressive mode you don't think about eating, hiding, exercising, or meditation.  Even your daily routines get sent to the back burner.  Eating isn't on the top of your list anymore, hiding just comes natural, exercising takes energy you don't have, and meditation requires focus that's obsolete.  It just comes down to letting the episode ride on it's own., and you'll feel better when you feel better.

Here's the link to the full post:
http://igetupagain.wordpress.com/2009/05/12/what-goes-up-must-come-down/