Well, I'm starting something new. We'll see how this works and even if I can remember to do this every so often. :)
I'm not sure what to say right now, there's really nothing going on. I guess a good starting point would be to start from the beginning, so here goes...
I'm going to skip the whole me being born, going to school, graduating, and all that jazz and skip to the last few years.
In 2006 I had a son, Brydon. He's the dorkiest kid I know, and the biggest pain in the ass! I know I say that, but everyone knows that a mother wouldn't trade their kids for anything. Well, some would, but I wouldn't. About two weeks after I had him I was diagnosed with Graves' Disease. It's a form of extreme Hyperthyroidism. I was then told that they would have to radiate my thyroid and basically shut it down. If you didn't know, the thyroid has a lot to do with hormone production (not sure which ones though) and high or low amounts of some hormones can cause depression and a butt-load of other problems.
I was lucky enough to get hit with clinical depression and generalized anxiety dissorder. I was told that both of those are most likely caused by the thyroid problem and with medication, they could be managed, along side my thyroid problem.
It is now the middle of 2011 and I am doing pretty good with the thyroid problem and the anxiety, but not so much with the depression. Every day is a different challenge and some days it is too much to handle. There are days that I don't even want to get out of bed, and there are others that I can't sleep so I just don't go to bed. Then there are other days that I am out of bed, doing my normal thing, but it's like I am on auto-pilot because I am in a fog and spaced out for most the day.
Thank God for my dad, when I get to the days that I'm spaced out or don't get out of bed he takes Brydon for the day. Because of all that, Brydon is his 'Little Buddy' and is basically joined at the hip with my dad. I don't know what I'd do without my dad. Brydon's father (Jesse) is around, but not all that often. He lives 30 minutes away from us and is not the best role model for his own son.
Jesse has his good qualities, but they don't go very far for being a Dad. The first 3 years of Brydon's life he was basically no where to be found. Jesse wouldn't take Brydon for the weekends, wouldn't see him for months at a time, so now Brydon depends on his grandpa to be the male figure in his life. For the past year Jesse has been doing good, though. He takes Brydon every other weekend and some times takes him during the week, especially if he can't take him during his weekend.
My only lingering problem with Jesse is that he didn't graduate high school, isn't even worried about getting a GED, isn't in college, and (the big kicker) can't keep a job for more than a month. Oh, and he's about $20,000 behind in child support, which he can't pay because he can't keep a job! Oh, what to do, what to do, what to do. Oh, and the reason he can't keep a job has nothing to do with his education level - he just has an uncanny way about pissing off his bosses! It used to be that he couldn't keep the job because he was high on marijuana half the time, now I don't know what his excuse is, but he just doesn't seem to be able to get along with authority figures.
So, he lost his last job - or he quit - either way he has no job, and he decided to tell me that he is pursuing career path of "being a tattoo artist". He is a pretty good artist, but he has little experience with the tattoo part. He said that pursing this career path meant he needs practice and he can't get practice by working all day, so he's not working at all. So, no work means no money means no child support means I am more stressed out. Oh, and no money also means that sometimes he doesn't have gas money to come get Brydon and he expects me to constently bring Brydon to him and come get him at the end of the weekend.
So, to recap.......
I have depression, general anxiety, a non-working thyroid, a terrific father, an even terrific-er son, and a not so good "baby daddy". Even though my son and my father are awesome in so many ways, they also add to the depression sometimes, and well, let's face it - Jesse adds to it all the time. Too many problems and not enough solutions!
